How do you handle stuff like this?

My son is having a "Toga" party tonight. Instead of having it upstairs where he rules the entire area and which has bunches of roomy rooms and a big screen TV, sofas, futons, etc, well, he wants to have it downstairs and wants me and his father to spend the entire evening in our bedroom allowing him to hold his party in the family room/dining area/ kitchen area.

So now hubby and I are stuck in our bedroom on a Friday night without my Blu-Ray DVD player and my DVDs, plus the kids make noise and sleeping may be long in coming. Do you guys/gals have something like this happening in your homes? I'm ready to rent the kid a party room somewhere.

I also have a rule:If drinking alcohol, you cannot leave until morning! So I may end up having to cook breakfast for the "Toga" group.

How do you handle stuff like this? I'm upset..I don't want to be stuck in my bedroom all night in my own home. This is the 4th or 5th time he has done this in the last 6 weeks.

The computer area is also in the area where he is having his party, and I get to spend the evening w/o computer access because my son **WILL** NOT** allow me to use his laptop computer.

My friend Blondie1 suggested " No computer from my son for me to use, No Party".. I like the way Blondie thinks..
Could that work for a 21 year old guy? That's why he is serving alcohol, he is finally legal. When did he grow up so quickly?

Why don't you step up to him and remind him whose house he lives at?? I was a big partier and even when I was 21, if I tried to tell my parents what to do when I lived in their house, they would have laughed out the front door and said "see ya at Christmas"...i'm just saying. I know you want him to have fun and don't wanna be the 'bad guy' but holy cow, you should be telling him how it is going to go!

He probably won't let you use his computer because he probably has questionable material on it and doesn't want his mom to see it. (I am strictly speaking from exprience. I know how I was back then. Not accusing your son of anything).

Has it occurred to you this isn't the place for personal info?

I feel the pain! My son is 20 (not had to deal with the alcohol parties yet). But my first reaction is it is your house. I think it is unreasonable for him to kick you out of your space. While he may be free to use the kitchen and things, they should have to put up with you being there. I don't know all the details but i would push them upstairs and let them come down as they need things.

It also makes it clear to them that you are there and visible, not going to tolerate craziness

g

Starz wrote: Has it occurred to you this isn't the place for personal info?

No, I have considered you guys/gals as friends, and someone whom I can ask for advice and who could help me problem solve. Also, we are not breaking any laws, everyone attending is 21 (hubby checks their driver's licenses), plus if they are drinking, they *must* spend the night. I'm just frustrated that hubby and I have to retire to our bedroom at 6-7pm every Friday night recently. Apparently our downstairs TV is larger and better than the upstairs TV. I may purchase my son a *larger* TV for his birthday and Christmas gift. Plus I may put my foot down that he can only have a party once (or *perhaps*twice a month) if he insists on being downstairs.

letsfindem wrote:Why don't you step up to him and remind him whose house he lives at?? I was a big partier and even when I was 21, if I tried to tell my parents what to do when I lived in their house, they would have laughed out the front door and said "see ya at Christmas"...i'm just saying. I know you want him to have fun and don't wanna be the 'bad guy' but holy cow, you should be telling him how it is going to go!

He probably won't let you use his computer because he probably has questionable material on it and doesn't want his mom to see it. (I am strictly speaking from experience. I know how I was back then. Not accusing your son of anything).

That's what hubby said also. Plus hubby is collecting car keys tonight from those drinking to make sure no one leaves after drinking alcohol. I actually saw someone come in with a bedroll sleeping bag sorta thing with a pillow. Seems the word is out that if you drink here in our home you must stay here overnight. At least I don't have to worry about kids drinking and driving tonight.

Hubby said it is better to have the kids here where they will be cared for, plus not allowed to drink and drive following the party. Some times being responsible sucks. NOT! I just wish they would do this stuff upstairs.

StankApe wrote:Hmmm, it IS you house.... I guess that's your call. hell, give him a little bit of rope and if he hangs himself with it, you know where to draw the line.

as far as the drinking and driving goes, you might want to see if you area has a DD service, a new one just opened here where they drive you home in your own car for $10 from a sponsored establishment (or $15 from a party). Cheaper than a cab, and you get to wake up to your car in the driveway!

Just a thought.

Stank, Thank you.
It seems that our small town doesn't have that service here yet. Hubby and I are making sure that everyone understands that if you drink in our home you must spend the night. The thought of someone leaving our home and being arrested, or having an alcohol related accident just makes me ill. So, we're collecting car keys, and I've laid the law down and it seems to have worked due to the sleeping bags I've seen coming in with the kids. I hope that I have enough eggs to feed everyone in the morning. It seems to be a large group.

Honestly, this shouldn't even be question for you; Unless you are living n his house or he's paying your mortagage, you have the control. He's a big boy, he's 21. If he wants to party, he can get his own place! IMO

To "Let's Find Them"

Everyone except one person left last night. They got the car keys and went home. I talked to my son and he swears no one left intoxicated. I guess that I will have to trust him to take care of his friends. At least everyone here was 21 years of age according to hubby who did check licenses. Everyone also knew that we were concerned for them and wished for no legal complications due to underage drinking and driving after leaving *our* home. Since no parent has called, nor have any police showed up at our door this morning, I think everything worked out safely this time. I'm so tired of these parties, and the mess they make, plus the amount of alcohol consumed by 8-12 young adults who look like kids. I'm not talking beer or wine, I'm talking vodka and whiskey because the trash can has 3 or 4 empty bottles of Vodka, and one Jack Daniels.